I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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