whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize