I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
