and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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