Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
