Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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