Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
