You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
