The maid of honor just puked.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Holy sore nipples Batman
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
