I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
