WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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