I feel great
I just peed on a car
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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