Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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