If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Hippo gnu deer
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize