You're so nebulous sometimes
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
