i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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