South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize