True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
