then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize