No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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