I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
