The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
