I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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