my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
