maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
