Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
