when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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