Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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