woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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