The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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