Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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