using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
