hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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