Can Purell be used as lube?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
