he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
