She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
