i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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