Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
