Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
