Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
