every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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