Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
