You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize