So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
