Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
