I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
