This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize