There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
