Can i not drive my cunt home
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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