Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
