oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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