Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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