dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
