bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
