Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
