I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
