Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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