I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
