if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
