If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
