it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
