Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
