Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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