btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
