this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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