It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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