After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
