Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
