I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize